¿uo ƃuıoƃ sı llǝɥ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʍ

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Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

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How many photographers does it take to change a light bulb?

50 - One to change the bulb, and forty-nine to say, "I could have done that!"



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5 things to do when bored at Wal-Mart:

1) Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they aren’t looking.

2) Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

3) While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

4) Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yell “ PICK ME! PICK ME! ”

5) Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, then yell very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”





MALE ETIQUETTE

1) Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed or beaten by his fellow partygoers.

2) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3) It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a. When a heroic dog dies to save his master

b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse

c. After wrecking your boss’ car

d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”

e. When his date is using her teeth

4) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5) If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes. For a girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

7) Bitching about the brand of free beer in a friend’s fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8) No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddies birthday is optional.

9) When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

10) It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel and it’s free.

11) Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

12) If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem. You didn’t see nothin’.

13) Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much beer as the other sports watchers.

14) You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly threw it into a ceiling fan.

15) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.

16) Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

17) Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; Hang up if necessary.

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The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how he determines whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'

'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'

'No' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?'